posted January 08, 2001 03:55 PM
i got this in an e-mail and i thought it was funny, make sure you read it all
Hard to believe, but another year has passed ... For those who don't know it,
the Darwin Awards are awarded every year to the person(s) who died (or almost
died) due to 'remarkable lapses in judgement', thus enhancing the gene
pool by their absence.
The 2000 nominees are (and do read through to the end of the list):NOMINEE No. 1: "San Jose Mercury News": An unidentified man, using shotgun
like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot
himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: "Kalamazoo Gazette": James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo,
Michigan, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe
as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a
troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other
man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3: "Hickory Daily Record": Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed
instead a Smith Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his
ear.
NOMINEE No. 4: "UPI, Toronto": Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety
of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry
Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early
Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's
windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstration
of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing
partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that
Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
NOMINEE No. 5: "Bloomburg News Service": A terrible diet and room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his
own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts
of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and
cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right
combination of
foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the
poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had
his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut
up in his near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big
man with a huge capacity for creating 'this deadly gas." Three of the
rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
NOMINEE No. 6: "The News of the Weird": Michael Anderson Godwin made news
of
the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's
electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to
life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting
to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
NOMINEE NO. 7: "The Indianapolis Star": A cigarette lighter may have
triggered fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday
night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about
11:30
PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that
had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the
barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
NOMINEE No. 8: "Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario": A man cleaning a bird feeder
on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped
and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a
wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
the Peel regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the
balcony," Honer said.
NOMINEE No. 9: "Arkansas Democrat Gazette": Two local men were seriously
injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton
Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy
Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston
Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in
serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the
two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast
Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men
concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out.
As replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the. 22 caliber
bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering
wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to
operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
River bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles and just before
crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck
Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right
exiting the pavement and striking tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and
abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the 'other
wound'. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his testicles off
or we might both be dead", stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years
in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe
that those two would
admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's
wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from
the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia.)
------------------
G5
FL3 in Viper
Snake
SL Raiders
Better To be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.
Lincoln
Shite happens
anonymous
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posted January 08, 2001 03:55 PM
posted January 08, 2001 05:43 PM
